I became a first time mom in 2018. I was in awe of my new tiny best friend and I was lucky in that we didn't seem to face any huge challenges. When I fell pregnant with my second in 2020, she brought with her a lot of lessons. Throughout her time in the womb I fell into the endless rabbit holes of the Covid pandemic. I was on an emotional rollercoaster and didn't completely understand how I wasn't the only one on the ride. Only later would I learn the impact my inner world would have on the little human growing inside of me.
  I wanted to make the switch to a healthier lifestyle. I decided I wanted to have a natural birth. I faced a lot of push back from my OB for this decision. After her arrival, something didn't sit right with me. I didn't feel like she was feeding like she should. She seemed so rigid to me. I was told many times over she was ok, and every baby is different. 

Every baby is different, but I didn't listen to my gut. At two months it was obvious Mercy wasn't gaining as she should and my supply was struggling. I voiced my concerns about this tightness in her body and inquired about a possible tongue tie to my pediatrician. She told me my breast milk wasn't fatty enough for her and there was no signs of any oral restrictions. I couldn't ignore this feeling that there was something deeper going on with my new precious baby. It turned out that she had multiple oral restrictions. I did what I thought best at the time and got them all revised at the next available appointment. Nothing seemed to change afterwards. I was still being told that everything was as it should be. The was the last straw for me was being sent home with formula and being told my body wasn't giving my child what she needed. Not once acknowledging the root cause could be that she was not comfortable in her body and was not able to feed properly. A fire was lit in me that reminded me how important a mothers intuition is. I set out to figure out how to help her myself. I found out doing the revision without prior bodywork was likely the reason it didn't help and ultimately caused more trauma. I set her up for bodywork post revision. The only person I found was a 45 minute drive away. A 45 minute drive where I would have to stop and pump and cry and hold my struggling baby. I felt so alone and confused. I needed to understand how we had gotten to this place. This all led me down the path to understanding how trauma is held in our body, how important the time in the womb is, and the necessity of supporting the mother/baby dyad postpartum. I wondered how things would be different if these things were acknowledged.